She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
