No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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