it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
