Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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