That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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