Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
