I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
