Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
