How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
