You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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