You're completely useless in the revolution.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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