You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
