guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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