Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
