I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
