I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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