I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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