Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
