I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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