That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
