I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
