I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
