um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
