My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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