So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
