well I can't set my house on fire every night
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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