I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
