my phone needs a breathalizer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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