i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
