I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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