His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
