we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
