Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
