some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We left an ass print on the piano.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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