You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
