So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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