Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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