my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
