so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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