Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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