Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
