i think i have herpe
just one?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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