bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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