sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
