Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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