my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
