I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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