He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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