i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
