I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
