Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
