the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
