Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
