I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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