cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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