I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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