And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
